


Memento Mori

by curiouslygray



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Blood, Breast cancer, Camping, Cancer, Car Sex, Carmilla reflecting on Laura's mortality and her immortality, Cats, Drinking, F/F, Fake Blood, Funeral, Lingerie, Off Canon, Photography, Picnics, Recorded Sex, Road Trip, Stargazing, WW2, WWII, alluding to sex, photographer!laura
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-11
Updated: 2016-03-09
Packaged: 2018-05-19 18:25:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5976766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/curiouslygray/pseuds/curiouslygray
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laura Hollis was a photographer, very well known at Silas University, her Alma Mater, until her death. Silas opens an exhibit of her work in memorial of her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In Memorial

**Author's Note:**

> There isn't really a long story to go with this one. Six of the chapters could probably just be one long one, but I'd rather put them out in small portions than drag it out for one big one. Including this chapter, I have three written. Hopefully I will be able to finished writing the rest this weekend. I don't have a set upload schedule but hopefully it will be completed within two weeks. If not, you can yell at me all you want.
> 
> More tags will be added as necessary.

The exhibit was displaying some work by a successful alumna who passed away no more than a month ago. She was a photographer and my university decided to honor her by displaying an exhibit in memorial of her. I’m currently taking a photography class and our professor decided to have us write a reflection on the exhibit. It was a large room with vaulted ceilings in the New Lustig building, the original having fallen into a sinkhole of some sorts many years ago. I walked into the almost empty room. Over in a corner by the bar were three redheads and a guy with graying hair. Besides those four, there were a handful of other students in the exhibit. Soft, classical-esque music played over voices talking just above a hushed whisper, the occasional cough or sniffle interrupting. The subject of the pictures ranged from nature to industrial. Settings of dark forests outlined by the sun or moonlight; Rusted bridges set against a backdrop of a clear blue sky; a view from an apartment balcony of a sunset with a smokey gray cat curled up on a table in the dying sunlight. Two half empty glasses sat next to the cat along with a bottle of wine. The peaceful serenity of the picture settled into me, as if it was an aura radiating from the picture itself.

Along one of the temporary walls was a series of pictures, all of the same pale girl with dark hair. The first one showed her with her hair pinned up in a dress that looked like it was from the 17th century. The next one looked remarkably similar, with the exception of a splatter of blood along her neck. Following this one were a few of the same girl dressed from different centuries, all European style. Each had blood splatted somewhere, usually around her mouth. In one, she was completely drenched in blood. The next picture looked like she was wearing clothes from the 1940’s, but her hair was still dripping blood and her skin still looked stained. In this particular photo, her eyes looked empty. In the previous ones, there was some bit of a spark, a sign of life that was nowhere to be found in this picture. The same pattern proceeded for three or four more photos. The final photo depicted the same girl, this time in a red flannel, but this time she was smirking and that same life was back in her eyes. Unlike the other photos, she seemed to be looking at something behind the camera, perhaps the photographer herself. Next to this final photo was a label, saying that the name of this series was simply ‘A History’.

This dark haired girl did not appear in another photo besides two. One showed her, mouth dripping with blood, and another woman with dark skin. Her hand rested beneath the dark haired girl’s chin, as if lifting it to make them meet eyes. The dark skinned woman bore a kind smile, one that my older sister often gave me. The second one showed the dark haired girl driving a car down an empty strip of highway. She had one arm out the window with sunglasses on, the sunrise behind her softening her sharp features. She looked completely oblivious to the fact that her picture was being taken. This picture, like the one of the apartment balcony, released a calming, serene feeling.

“She never liked having her picture taken,” said a voice next to me. I jumped as I realized one of the redheads I had noticed when I walked in had made their way over to me. Their hair was graying in some parts and their skin was just beginning to wrinkle. They ran their hands through their hair as they continued speaking, “She only let Laura take her photo. She only let Laura do a lot of things.”

“Did you know her?” I asked, as if the answer wasn’t obvious. They laughed and nodded, “Yeah. Yeah I guess you could say that. Hollis and I went through hell together, along with Miss Dark Haired Beauty there; them, along with the rest of the ‘Dimwit Squad’ as she called us.”

They straightened their bowtie and shoved their hands in their pockets, looking wistfully at the picture, “Those were the times. Even if university was a rough time, I wouldn’t spend it with anybody else.”

“A lot of drama?”

They laughed.

“That’s putting it lightly.”

Something behind me caught their eye and the corner of their mouth twitched up into a smile. They put their hand up, “Anyways, I’ll stop bothering you. I’m just an old person reflecting on the time where my memory was better and when I could carry a hundred and fifty pounds. Hope you have a good day.”

Before I could reply ‘you too’ they turned away and walked by over to their group. In had walked a girl wearing purple skinny jeans and a black leather jacket. Black hair hung around her in light curls. She looked remarkably similar to the girl in the pictures. As she approached the group of redheads, and the one guy, they all managed weak smiles and welcomed her with drinks. The girl looked too young though to be the girl in the picture, although she very well could be a daughter or niece or something like that. I gave the exhibit one last look over before heading out. As I crossed the threshold to leave, I heard one voice say, “To Laura, may we never forget the light she brought into our lives,” followed by four other voices saying, “To Laura!”

I turned back and saw the group of five all take drinks from their raised glasses. One of the redheads sputtered a bit, causing almost everyone else to burst into boisterous laughter. The girl with black hair just weakly smiled, shaking her head. I turned back around, and headed back towards my dorm. I had one hell of a paper to write.


	2. Just You, Me, and the Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story behind the picture of the night sky through the trees.
> 
> Carmilla and Laura went camping.

Carmilla had often camped in the Black Forest, especially when trying to escape Mother when she wasn’t needed. Now, with Mother gone and everything at Silas finally taken care of, she could actually take a breath (not that she really needed to breath). Laura had always wanted to go to Carmilla’s favorite places with her. And, now that they had the time, they actually could.

Carmilla planned the route and told Laura what to pack. Within a few days, they had set out on a three week trip. The first stop was a four day camping trip in the Black Forest.

When they finally got to Carmilla’s usual spot in forest, it was almost dark. It approximate eight hour drive had gotten them to the edge of the woods around five in the afternoon. Carmilla learned quickly that Laura had never been hiking, let alone camping, before. Due to this, Carmilla pitched the tent and started the fire all while Laura promised repayment later that evening. This repayment was definitely taken up on after a dinner of hot dogs and s’mores. Any wildlife in the area had probably been scared off due to the noises from inside the tent, so hopefully Laura won’t need to use her stash of bear spray. Then again, an enraged Carmilla could probably ward off a bear better than spray.

Once the noises had settled down, Laura laid next to Carmilla, cuddled up with a blanket covering their bare forms. After a few minutes of cuddling, Carmilla sat up and started redressing. When Laura asked what she was doing, she responded, “I was thinking we could go stargazing, in a different way.”

Laura quickly started getting dressed and Carmilla just grunted in laughter. Once they were dressed enough to go out, Carmilla unzipped the tent. Once Laura stepped out, Carmilla raised an eye at the camera in her hands, but just walked to the other side of the campfire, where she laid down on her back, looking up at sky through the trees. Laura sat down next to her, bringing the camera up to her face. She angled it up to the sky, adjusting one of the lenses. _Click._ More adjusting. _Click. Click._ Another slight adjustment. _Click. Click. Click._

“You done cutie?”

“Come on Carm, I’m just taking a few pictures.”

“Last time you were ‘just taking a few pictures’ we sat in the park for an hour. In six inches of snow.”

“We warmed up later!”

“And you ended up using none of the pictures.”

“Sometimes that happens as a photographer.”

“Laura. Just put down the camera and lay down. I want you to experience this, just not through a camera lens.”

Sighing, she set down the camera and laid down next to her girlfriend, who Laura knew was right; even if she didn’t want to admit it. Besides, sometimes your eyes are the best camera of all. Even if you can’t share the pictures with everyone.


	3. As Rusted As My Bones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura and Carmilla go for a picnic in the park.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the most recent installment, as promised on my tumblr.  
> Next chapter will be posted tomorrow.
> 
> www.curiouslygray.tumblr.com

“Carmilla, where exactly are we going?”

“You’ll see.”

“Just as long as it doesn’t involve a lot of walking. My legs are what they use to be.”

“I know cutie.”

Laura laughed, “All these years and you still use those same stupid nicknames.”

“I thought you liked the nicknames,” Carmilla fake pouted, sounding hurt.

Laura just laughed more, causing the corners of Carmilla’s lips to turn up slightly as she pulled into a nearly empty parking lot.

“We’re here cutie.”

Laura looked to her right and unbuckled her seatbelt, “The park?”

Carmilla opened Laura’s door and extended her hand. Laura took it and stepped out of the car, grunting something along the lines of _“I’m not that old yet.”_

After making sure Laura was standing up okay and had her camera out of the car, Carmilla popped open the trunk and pulled out a blanket and a grocery bag with food. Linking arms, they walked across the empty parking lot (excluding two other cars, one of which is probably a ranger of some sorts) and made their way to a plot of grass on the top of a hill. From here, the two could see all the way across the river valley.

As Carmilla spread out the blanket, Laura clicked on her camera and took a few pictures; the grass, the view, Carmilla, Carmilla putting her hand up in front of the lens. You know, the usual when they go out.

They’ve been doing this for years, for decades. Carmilla gazed at Laura, who was laughing as she fiddled with her camera. Beyond the graying hair and the laugh lines showing on her face, Carmilla still saw the same face that asked _“Who the hell are you?”_ She saw the same face she had kissed after almost dying… again. She saw the same face she gazed at while it was gazing at the stars, both astrological and made by Carmilla. She saw the broken face after the broke up. She saw the same face that broke the charter, killing Vordenberg and ultimately saving Carmilla from death… again. She saw the face that struggled with late nights and long days to finish her degree. She saw the face that she has seen every day for almost forty years.

But Laura had always seen the same face. Carmilla couldn’t age with Laura. She had thought about offering to turn her, but she also didn’t want to expose her to this dark life. Maybe When Laura was gone, Carmilla could go too. The pain of losing her would certainly be worse than losing Ell- someone she had almost forgotten about. But Carmilla had Matska at the very least. So maybe living on would be the best thing. That way, Laura would never truly die. While her physical being would be gone, she would live on in Carmilla.

“Whatchya thinking about there?” Laura pulled Carmilla away from her thoughts, a concerned look on her face, “You looked really sad. Like, not just broody. But actually… sad.”

“Just thinking of some stuff cupcake, nothing to worry about. Besides, we’re here for you to take pictures. I know that you’ve been wanting to do some pictures of nature and architecture together, so I thought you’d like this place.”

Across the river was a city skyline in the distance and two bridges spanned across from the park to the other side. One of which had become so rusted that it could barely be used. The park wanted to tear it down, but the city said it was historical so it had to be kept. Why it was historical was beyond Carmilla, but the dark rusted contrasted the blue sky so well, she was sure Laura would love it.

And Laura did.

But not as much as she loved Carmilla.


	4. Two Bottles of Wine and a SD Card

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura gets a job and this leads to quite a celebration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have only two more chapters left to write. Chapter 5 will be up within the next few days, Friday (2/26) at the latest. Chapter 6 will be posted Monday (2/29). After that, there will be one maybe two days between the remaining uploads.

So they had probably celebrated a bit too much, but neither cared. Laura had gotten a whole bunch of her photography into one of the city’s best galleries and she had gotten a job teaching a photography class at a high school for the following school year.

The expensive early dinner, courtesy of Carmilla, was expected. A couple shots at a bar later than night with LaF and Carmilla were probably also expected. But when Carmilla and Laura got back to the apartment and they ended up drinking two whole bottles of wine… that was probably a bit much. And the sun hadn’t even gone down.

But when it did, out on the balcony of their apartment sat Graymalkin, their smokey gray cat, curled up on the table. The second empty bottle of wine sat next him, with two half empty glasses as well.

Laura leaned against the doorframe, holding her camera. She could hear Carmilla calling for her from the bedroom. But instead, Laura lifted her camera to her eyes and snapped a few photos. She only stopped when Carmilla’s arms wrapped around her waist and snuck their way under her shirt.

“Cutie, I’ve been calling for you.”

“I-I know.” She stammered when she saw what Carmilla was wearing and how much it revealed. They’ve been together for almost eight years and Laura’s brain still went haywire whenever she saw Carmilla in lingerie.

Laura’s arm was grabbed and pulled into their shared bedroom. Carmilla removed the camera from her hands and the pushed Laura onto bed. After setting the camera down on the dresser across the room, Carmilla climbed up onto the bed.

She pulled off Laura’s clothes and peppered her body with kisses and bites and hickeys and eventually released the tension that was building between Laura’s thighs. Laura moaned Carmilla’s name as her fingers tangled themselves in her long black hair. After her heartbeat returned to normal pace, Laura pulled Carmilla in for a kiss, tasting herself on Carmilla’s lips.

Then, Laura returned the favor, almost ripping the lingerie off her near immortal body and beginning to slowly coax her to the edge, making Carmilla practically beg for release.

They went back and forth for who knows how long (Carmilla lost track after Laura’s third time, and Laura hadn’t been keeping track to begin with) until they both ended up falling asleep.

The next morning they both had pounding headaches. As Laura loaded up the pictures from the night before, she was surprised to see a very large video file.

“Carm, did you take a video yesterday?”

“All I know is that I did you yesterday.”

Laura let out a disgruntled noise as the video loaded up on her laptop. When she opened it, the video showed Carmilla walking away from the camera to a Laura who was lying down on the bed. Laura’s eyes widen as she watched the evidence of their drunken adventures from the previous night. Laura quickly closed video, a reaction that made Carmilla laugh, causing both of their heads to throb.

“I thought you turned the camera off,” Laura said.

“I guess drunken me thought of something better than that.”

”Carm, the video took up the rest of the SD card.”

“Well, you could just delete it, you could save it on your computer and delete it off the SD card, or I could just buy you another SD card.”

After some debate, Laura admitted that you know maybe I do like having the video which mean that Carmilla would be buying Laura some more SD cards in the future.


	5. A History

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things begin to run a bit red.

“So run this by me again,” Carmilla said, standing in front of a white backdrop in a 17th century dress, arms crossed.

Laura sighed, “Okay, so I’m going to take pictures of you throughout the time you’ve been…”

“Not dead but not alive? Undead? A vampire?”

“Yeah. I’m starting with the 17th century and working my up to when we met.”

“And the fake blood?”

Laura shuffled her feet a bit, “We will get to that soon. Just sit down on the chair and cross your legs. Place your hands on your knees, one on top of the other.”

Carmilla did as she was told, angling herself forty-five degrees from the camera.

“Good, good. Now look directly at the camera.”

She turned her head to look at the camera and held still while Laura took a few shots. Laura occasionally told Carmilla to adjust some small details and she adjusted the light, changing the intensity and where it was hitting Carmilla.

“Okay, so now I’m going to put some blood on your neck, to show the turning.”

Laura carried a bucket of fake blood over to Carmilla. Grabbing a small sponge, she dipped the edge of it into the blood and began applying it to Carmilla’s neck, making it look like her neck had been bitten. Using a paint brush, Laura flicked on splatters of blood on the areas surrounding the fake bite.

“How’s it look?” Carmilla asked, trying to move her jaw as little as possible as Laura reapplied fake blood to darken certain spots.

“Like you’re bleeding… but I think it’s good for the picture.”

This same process repeated for three more outfits. For those, however, Laura applied fake blood to Carmilla’s mouth and jaw instead of to her neck. Carmilla had to clean it off in between takes after changing out of the dresses.

“Okay, what next?” Carmilla asked, looking at the outfits that Laura had hanging off to the side of the backdrop.

“You want to grab some food? That way you can stretch a bit and we can take a break. Plus I didn’t really have a lunch.”

“Sure, even though I don’t really need to eat human food.”

“Oh whatever.”

***

The two returned an hour later, Laura no longer hungry and Carmilla not as cramped up.

“Now what, miss photographer?”

“We’re going to skip what would be the next two picture sequentially, just because they’ll take a while to clean up and I’d rather do them last,” Laura explained as she flipped through the outfits, “We’re now going to the 1940’s, so this will be your next outfit.” Laura turned around and handed Carmilla a blue dress and a hat.

Carmilla groaned, “Another dress?”

“The sooner you change, the sooner you can get out of it.”

Carmilla changed and sat back on the chair. As Laura applied the blood, she asked Carmilla to look like she had nothing left in the world to exist for. When Carmilla asked why, Laura just told her to do it for the rest of the pictures, unless Laura told her otherwise. The process continued from the 1940’s all the way up to the early 2000’s. Laura then instructed Carmilla to put on her red flannel and black skinny jeans.

“Now, just look at the camera like normal. You can even smile if you want to.”

This time, Laura added only a little bit of blood dribbling out of the left corner of Carmilla’s mouth. When she stepped behind the camera, Carmilla did smile a little bit, but this time she wasn’t looking at the camera, she was looking at who was behind it.

After taking a few more pictures, Laura handed Carmilla a dress styled to look like it’s from the late 1800’s. Carmilla begrudgingly changed into it. When she walked back out, Laura was holding the bucket of fake blood.

“What’s that about?” Carmilla pointed at the bucket.

“Well, if you’re okay with it, I was going to dump this on you. To symbolize you being in the blood coffin. Only if you’re okay with it though.”

Carmilla shrugged, “I’m fine with it cutie.”

Laura smiled and led Carmilla outside, bringing a step ladder with them. Once outside, Laura handed the bucket to Carmilla before opening the step ladder. After struggling for bit, Laura finally managed to get it open. With minimal comments from Carmilla.

“Okay, it’s open. Will you shut up now?”

“Make me sweetheart.”

Laura smiled and gave Carmilla a quick kiss as she grabbed the bucket from her hands. Carmilla faked a pout when Laura drew back from the kiss, but stopped shortly after Laura promised to _“definitely make it up to you tonight.”_

“Just stand right there. I’ll countdown before I dump this. You should probably close your eyes though.” Laura climbed up to the top of the three step ladder. She positioned the bucket above Carmilla’s head and held the bottom of the bucket with one hand, the other holding the handle.

“3… 2… 1.” Laura tipped the bucket over and a river of red splashed down onto Carmilla. She tensed up when the wave first hit her, but she let the blood wash over her, drenching the dress and her hair. After a few moments, the fake blood stopped falling and Carmilla took a deep breath, and opened her eyes. Laura was stepping down from the ladder while commenting, “You look like a Sissy Spacek stand in.”

“Shut up and take the damn picture.”

Laura laughed and walked over to the door, pulling door open for a dripping Carmilla. She shuffled over to the backdrop, doing her best to not get fake blood everywhere, which really was a challenge considering how drenched in it she was. But, once Carmilla safely made it to the backdrop and the chair, Laura popped back behind the camera.

“Okay so you remember how you were sitting earlier?”

“Legs crossed, hands on knees, eyes at the camera.”

“Good. Do exactly that, but close your eyes.”

Again, Carmilla did as she was told, even when Laura asked her to face the camera a bit more… three times. Laura took the pictures, and instructed to Carmilla to change into a dress from the late 1930’s and to dry the dripping sections of the blood, but to leave the remnants of it on her face and in her hair.

When Carmilla walked back over, Laura told her to sit the same way, but with her eyes open. Laura took a few more pictures and gleefully told Carmilla she could go wash up and change back into her regular clothes.

“This is going to be bitch to clean,” Laura said, looking at the streaks of fake blood leading out of the studio.

“You could also clean it tomorrow.” Carmilla’s voice wrapped its way around Laura as her arms did too, finding their place around Laura’s waist. The scent of fake blood still lingered over Carmilla, causing Laura to comment on how she should probably shower when they get back to the apartment.

“Maybe you could join me,” Carmilla purred in response, pulling her in for a kiss.

“Maybe I could… but before anyone is doing any of that, I do have to pack up my camera equipment.”

Laura slipped out of Carmilla’s arms and began removing her camera from the tripod and disassembling the lights and reflectors. Carmilla watched her girlfriend do this, reflecting on how long she’s waited to feel anything reminisce of what she had felt for Ell. But what Carmilla feels for Laura completely blows Ell out of the water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 6 will be up Monday (2/29).  
> Chapter 7 will be up Tuesday (3/1).  
> Chapter 8 will be up Thursday (3/3).


	6. A Sister's Guiding Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This time, Matska comes in to help out.

“Do you think Mattie would go for it?” Laura asked, lacing her finger’s between her girlfriend’s. Carmilla kissed Laura’s forehead before responding.

“I think I could convince her.”

***

“And if I do this, you’ll join me on a sister’s night?” Mattie asked, intrigue lacing her voice. Carmilla nodded, “Just a few pictures. Listen to Laura and do what she says. Then, next Wednesday we can go a few towns over and just have some fun. Sounds good?”

Mattie grinned and nodded, “Perfect, darling.”

***

“Alright. Carm, you good on blood?” Laura asked as she set up the camera. Carmilla stood a few feet in front of her with blood dripping down her jaw, empty blood bag in hand. Mattie stood next to her, hands on her hips, tapping her foot impatiently.

“Laura, the camera is fine and we’re both ready.”

“Alright.” Laura gave the camera one last look over, causing Mattie to mutter something about _stupid humans_ under her breath.

Laura quickly instructed Carmilla and Mattie into position. After she moved behind the camera, she nit-picked them into position. _Click. Click. Click. Click._

“Mattie?”

“Yes?”

“Could you- uh- smile? Like, look at Carmilla and smile like you’re helping her out. Show her sisterly love I guess. You get what I’m saying?”

The corners of Mattie’s lips curled up as she replied, “Of course, darling. I understand perfectly.”

Mattie turned back to Carmilla, grinning as she did she first ran into her after returning to the Silas campus, shortly after Mother’s death. Carmilla looked up at her sister, remembering all those times that Matska had pulled her out of the holes she’d dug herself into. As they stared back at each other, something settled between them. Carmilla was still young, she was still a rebellious teenager. She was never able grow out of it as a human, so these traits were still there. And Mattie was her older sister. She offered advice and help when she could. Especially when it comes to Laura, the only human she had come to like since she was Carmilla’s age.

_Click. Click. Click._

“Okay guys. I think these will be good.” Laura flipped through the pictures on her camera, analyzing each of them.           

Mattie swiped a bit of blood off of Carmilla’s chin and sucked it off her finger, “Better eat that fast Carmilla,” she snarked, “It’s getting cold.

“I think I’ll be fine,” Carmilla replied, smirking as she slightly jerked her head over to Laura, who was completely oblivious to their current conversation. Mattie glanced over and saw two red mark peeking form underneath the scarf Laura had wrapped around her neck.

Mattie laughed loudly when she made the connection, causing Laura to jump and Carmilla to grin. Clapping her hand on her sister’s shoulder, Mattie grinned, “That’s my little monster.”

****


	7. The Start of Something New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roadtrip

The sun peaked over the edge of the car hood. Laura stirred up from her sleep, making some small noises as she shifted in her seat. She looked over at Carmilla, who seemed entirely focused on the road.

“Hey,” Laura practically whispered. Carmilla didn’t respond, and when Laura noticed the headphones she had in, she realized why. Laura laid there for a little bit, lazily watching Carmilla drive down the empty stretch of highway. She had her sunglasses on and had the window down with one arm sitting out the window. After a few more minutes of Carmilla being oblivious to Laura being awake, Laura slowly grabbed her camera.

_Click._

Carmilla jerked her head to look at Laura, pulling out an earbud, “You’re taking pictures of me?”

“You just looked really beautiful. Plus you never let me take pictures of you,” Laura looked at the picture display, “And you can’t ever give the vampires don’t show up in pictures bullshit because you totally showed up in this one.”

Laura showed the picture to Carmilla who glanced over at the picture. She shrugged and mumbled, “I just don’t like how I look in pictures.

“But since you’re now awake and can take pictures, you can take the next driving shift.” Laura made a small noise in disagreement, but the quick kiss Carmilla placed on her cheek changed her mind.

Carmilla pulled off to the side of the empty strip of highway. With the car off, she leaned over and whispered into Laura’s ear, saying something along the lines of “How about I really give you something to take a picture of?” while sliding her hand further up Laura’s leg.

They took a ‘quick break’ and remained mostly undisturbed. Until a car pulled over behind them and a woman in her late forties knocked on the window of the backseat where Carmilla was coaxing Laura over the edge. Carmilla whipped her head around and saw the lady’s face pale slightly before her cheeks burned red, a parallel of Laura’s face as she opened her eyes. Laura pulled her shirt from off the floor of the backseat over her exposed breasts and Carmilla removed her fingers from Laura. The lady slightly opened her mouth before shutting it and walking away.

As the car pulled back onto the road and sped off, Laura burst into a fit of nervous laughter, cut off by Carmilla returning her hand to its location before the interruption and as she stated “Having someone watch you really made you wet, huh cutie?”

A few minutes later, Laura was moaning Carmilla’s name as she was coax back to the edge and pushed over. After Laura’s breathing was returned to a relatively normal level and Carmilla had finished lewdly sucking her fingers clean, Carmilla then said, “That seemed to wake you up.”

Laura smiled and pulled Carmilla down into a kiss. When they broke for a breath, Laura whispered, “Maybe I’ll have to take pictures of you more often, if this is what always occurs afterwards.”

“Maybe so, cutie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second last chapter.  
> Final chapter will be up on Thursday (3/3)
> 
> EDIT: The final chapter with be up by 3/11. I head some health problems and school work that needed to take priority. By the time I got back to writing, I had some writer's block. One math class worth of research later, I'm now working with almost 2000 words.  
> So, hopefully it will be up by this Friday. Sorry for the delay, but hopefully it will be worth it.


	8. Non Omnis Moriar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to say goodbye.

Laura had done her best to fight back. But, in the end, not even Carmilla could have saved her. She had offered to turn Laura, but she also didn’t want her to become this monster that Carmilla felt she was. She had explained as much as she could to Laura. Laura was as conflicted about it as Carmilla was about even offering. Laura wanted to spend as long as she could with Carmilla, but also knew that this was her time.

 “Sometimes, we have to make difficult choices and the choices all seem to be the best and the worst. But, I believe that, as difficult as this is, it is best for my time to end here. I love you Carmilla, and I want to spend eternity with you, but I feel that this is the right path.”

Carmilla was sitting in a chair next to Laura’s bed, one of her hands held between Carmilla’s. Clenching her jaw, Carmilla tried to fight back tears, _“You’re a vampire. Vampires don’t cry.”_ She looked up at Laura, and when she saw her tear streaked face, she broke. Carmilla quietly sniffled as her face grew wet while Laura’s entire body trembled. Laura was facing an unknown, an unknown Carmilla had been in temporarily, but Laura won’t return. When this is done, it’s done. There’s no second chance for Laura, no world of relying on human blood and being able to hide what she truly is. Carmilla knew that Laura was too pure for that world. Laura was too kind, too honest, too innocent. The only contact with that Laura would have would be through Carmilla.

“If you hadn’t… met me… your life would be… so different,” Carmilla sniffled, “Maybe you’d be… somewhere else… Not here… _suffering_ …”

“Carm, I would never… ever… trade anything… for a better life… if it meant you not being in it.”

Carmilla stood up, moving her hands from Laura’s to cup her face. Carefully, Carmilla pressed her lips against Laura’s. They didn’t kiss very often anymore. Between the mastectomy and chemotherapy, Laura was often tired, felt sick, or was in pain. Even her typical happy-go-lucky attitude often dipped. LaF and Perry would often invite them over for dinner even though most times Laura would barely eat, if she ate at all. Danny and Kirsch would invite the four of them to their grandkids’ sporting events. When Laura would be in the hospital, Matska would stay with Carmilla. Mattie had insisted that she cover the medical bills as repayment for when Mattie and Laura had first met. Carmilla argued that Laura had forgiven her, but the two settled that they would split the bills. Laura, of course, knew nothing of this. When she had accidentally gotten a hold of the medical bills, Carmilla told her that she didn’t need to worry about the payments on top of everything else.

Chemotherapy was difficult. Laura would be in the hospital for extended periods of time; and when she was home, she was often feeling sick, she would bruise easily, often very tired, and often wouldn’t be able to focus or remember simple things. Carmilla could even smell the effect the chemo was having on Laura’s blood. One of the biggest things for Laura was when she woke up and found clumps of hair on her pillow. Carmilla gently hugged her, assuring her it would okay, as Laura cried into her chest. A few days after that, Carmilla drove Laura over to LaF and Perry’s, were LaFontaine then shaved off what was left of Laura’s hair. Later that month, Laura’s doctor told her that the chemotherapy was helping to shrink the size of the tumor. However, her doctor also suggested a mastectomy as the chemo wouldn’t cause the cancer to go away completely. After discussing it with Carmilla and the rest of the gang, Laura scheduled the surgery date.

When she returned home a few days after the surgery, she just wanted to lie down in bed. Laura didn’t want to go out and see her friends, she didn’t want to eat anything, she didn’t want to shower or take a bath, she didn’t even want to binge watch any of her favorite TV shows. It wasn’t until Laura broke down in tears in front of the full body mirror in their bathroom while she was changing that Laura told Carmilla what had been bothering her. Carmilla’s heart broke as Laura explained she felt that she was no longer ‘enough’ for Carmilla. Laura was worried that Carmilla wouldn’t love her anymore and that she’d leave her. Carmilla explained how that was irrational thinking, she explained how she loved Laura before the diagnosis, before the surgery, and she will continue to love her even after Carmilla no longer walks the Earth. Laura started crying again, but this time it was out of happiness.

The next few months were definitely a rollercoaster. Laura had her 68th birthday, LaFontaine got a promotion, and Danny and Kirsch had a third grandchild. However, Laura also found out that the mastectomy didn’t remove all of the cancer and that it had spread. The doctor explained that they could continue with chemotherapy and see if there is a positive effect, the chances of which, he explained, were slim. Laura decided to try it, but when it eventually had no effect, both her and Carmilla decided that hospice care would be the best course of action.

Carmilla took it upon herself to contact LaF, Perry, Danny and Kirsch, and Mattie to inform them of this decision. She explained this to them with a very heavy heart, her voice wavering a bit and clenching the arms of the chair to keep from shaking. Everyone was silent as the information settled in them. LaFontaine asked where hospice would be. Carmilla explained that Laura would rather go at home than at a hospital. They all promised to stop by and check in frequently and do what they could to help. And they did. Danny and Kirsch stopped by on Saturdays. LaF stopped by on Wednesdays and joined Perry on Sundays, when she would make dinner. Perry would stop by whenever she could during the week along with Kirsch. Matska would pop in and out and, unlike everyone else, wouldn’t give Carmilla a warning. But when Laura was slowly teetering off, Mattie stuck around more often and would even spend the night some times. And that ended up being a good thing.

“Carmilla… Carmilla wake up… MIRCALLA!”

Carmilla bolt up from the couch, almost hitting Mattie in the face, “Jesus Christ Mattie. What the hell is your problem?”

“It’s Laura.”

In a puff of black smoke, Carmilla was in Laura’s room, holding her hand. Laura’s head turned to face her and the corners of her lips turned up into a small smile. The smile, however, did not hide what Carmilla saw in her eyes. Laura’s time was coming to an end.

“I love you Laura Hollis. I love you more than anything else in this universe.”

“Carmilla Karnstein,” Laura wheezed, “You are the light of my world. As long as you live on, not all of me will die. Through you, my photography, and our friends, my memory will live on. Do not forget me, Mircalla.”

“I won’t. I will never forget you. I could _never_ forget you. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Carmilla stood up, leaned forward, and kissed Laura. When she pulled back, Laura smiled. Then, she was gone.

 

“Hello?”

“LaFontaine? It’s Carmilla.”

“Of course. What’s up? Everything okay with L?”

There was a silence. LaF assumed what has happened, but the next sentence just confirmed their suspicion.

“Laura has passed.”

More silence, followed by a choked sob.

“Perry and I will be right over.”

 

“What’s goin’ on Fang Face?”

“Danny, enough.”

“Jeez, someone woke up on the wrong side of blood bag.”

“ _Danny._ ”

“Okay, okay. Jokes aside. Why’d you call?”

“Laura’s gone.”

A sharp intake of breath, followed by a muffled whine of some sorts.

“I’m…I’m sorry Carmilla.”

“LaFontaine and Perry are heading over. You and Kirsch are invited as well.”

“I’ll be over as soon as possible. I’ll tell Kirsch.”

 

Within the next hour, Perry and LaF arrived. Laura’s body had been removed and taken to the morgue to prepare for the funeral- something Carmilla didn’t even want to think about. When they arrived, Perry promptly begun preparing dinner as LaF offered Carmilla and Mattie some drinks they picked up on their way over.

“When in doubt, drink,” LaF said as they handed Carmilla a bottle of beer. Carmilla took it from their hand and set it down on the coffee table.

“From what I’ve learned, the sorrowful drinking can begin later.”

LaF shrugged, “Your choice. But I respect it. But, seriously, are you doing okay?”

Carmilla’s overall stoic demeanor was different than her usual broodiness. Despite how long she’s been on the Earth, LaF still expected a bit more… emotion from Carmilla. After all, her girlfriend of over forty years died.

“What do you think?” Carmilla snapped at them.

“Look, this is difficult. For all of us. But this is especially difficult for you. And I’m here for you.”

“I don’t _need your_ help.”  LaF put their hands up defensively. They walked away leaving Carmilla standing there, hands and jaw clenched. Mattie placed her hand on her sister’s shoulder, only to get it brushed off with a muttered _I’ll be back._ Grabbing her jacket, Carmilla opened the door and left.

 

Carmilla stormed down the street, hands shoved in her pockets. However, her anger slowly ebbed away and the depression of Laura’s death slowly rest on her, almost suffocating her. Coming across a park, she found a bench and sat down, head in her hands and one leg bouncing.

“Goddamn it…Goddamn it, goddamn it, GODDAMN IT!”

Her fist collided with one of the wooden slats that made up the bench seat, easily breaking through it. Retracting her unharmed hand, she pulled a pack of cigarettes out of the jacket’s pocket. Pulling one out, along with a lighter, Carmilla stuck it between her lips and lit it.

“Don’t you know those things will kill you?”

“At this point, I don’t give a damn if they do.”

Danny stood next to Carmilla, examining the broken bench.

“What did that thing do to you?”

“What do you want Summer Psycho?”

Danny rolled her eyes, “All these years and you _still_ use that stupid one?”

“What’s that phrase you would always toss around? _Once a Summer, always a Summer_?”

“Either way, get your cold, dead ass off the broken bench and come on back with me. My body can’t stand the cold as much as it used to.”

“And I can no longer feel it. So, why don’t YOU go back to the apartment and I’LL come back whenever I feel like it. It is, after all, _my_ apartment.”

Carmilla glanced up at the towering red head, whose arms were as crossed as she was. Danny stared back down at her, her glare unwavering. After a few draws from her cigarette, Carmilla gave up, putting it out on the bottom of her shoe.

“Fine. I’ll come back.”

She stood up, throwing the cigarette away in the garbage can next to the bench. Danny uncrossed her arms and turned to walk next to Carmilla. They walked back in silence, their footsteps heavy. The lingering taste of the cigarette burned in Carmilla’s throat with every breath she took. Whenever Laura would come in her mind, she’d divert her thinking to keep her mind off of it. Carmilla didn’t want to lose it, not in front of Danny.

Once they got to the front of the building, Carmilla punched in the code and opened the door, allowing Danny to walk in first. The two walked up the stairs to Carmilla’s floor and walked into the apartment, greet by a worried Perry and Kirsch. After some questions (any directed at Carmilla were answered with a glare), everyone sat down for dinner. Very litter was said during the meal; what was said were compliments directed towards Perry reflecting on the well prepared meal.

Once everyone had finished, Mattie thanked Perry for cooking the meal and, on Carmilla’s behalf, thanked everyone for coming over.

“It was no problem,” Kirsch responded, “We all loved Laura and we all miss her dearly. I still remember when I first saw her in Lit class.”

Danny laughed, “Remember when she ended up causing everyone to-”

“Enough.”

Everyone turned to look at Carmilla, sitting up at the head of the table. Her jaw was rigid as she clenched her teeth, nails digging into the arm’s chair, “As much as I would like to reflect on Laura’s life, right now is not the time. Other things need to be done and I will not partake in this right now. If you want to, you are welcome to leave.”

Over the next few silent minutes, the four got up from their chairs, gathered their stuff, and thanked Carmilla for having them over. Mattie stared Carmilla down from across the table as everyone else slipped out the door. Once the door clicked shut, Mattie spoke.

“What is wrong with you? The woman you love has died, yes, but her friends are trying to help you. And all you’re doing is slamming the door shut in their face.”

“I don’t want their help.” Carmilla stood up from her seat, avoiding eye contact with Mattie, grabbing some plates from the table. She walked into the kitchen and began to wash them, Mattie following close behind.

“Actions like that, pushing them away, is how you end up alone. And I don’t care what you say, you do not want to end up alone. Again.”

“I… don’t… care.”

Carmilla’s shoulders were now shaking and the plate seemed on the edge of breaking. Mattie whispered Carmilla’s name as she placed a hand on her back. Carmilla’s grip tightened, crushing the plate, and she fell to the floor, eyes screwed shut and her hands clutching the sides of her head. Mattie comforted Carmilla who cried for the next several hours. Sometimes she would talk about Laura between breaths, sometimes she’d cry quietly, sometimes she’d wail. Mattie watched as her sister slowly broke apart and she did her best to help Carmilla pick up the pieces.

Once Carmilla had settled down, Mattie retrieved a blood bag for her. Even thought she was reluctant at first, Carmilla eventually gave in and drank from the bag. Then, she drank whatever alcoholic beverage she could get her hands on; which, honestly, wasn’t much. Carmilla hadn’t drunk anything alcoholic since Laura had been diagnosed, so there had never been a need to keep a well-stocked cabinet of it.

Half a bottle of tequila later, Carmilla was asleep on the kitchen floor, leaning against the wall. Mattie sighed, picked her up, and laid her down in her room, which had become separate from Laura’s once hospice had begun. As Mattie stood over her sister, watching her sleep, she recalled how fiercely Carmilla had stood up for Laura all those years ago, saying the Mattie would have to go through Carmilla to get to Laura. Mattie remembered when they broke up and the months to follow. Mattie watched through her mind’s eye as she flipped through every time Carmilla looked at Laura with such an intense look of love in her eyes. She smiled, kissed Carmilla on the forehead, and then walked out of the room, making her way to couch.

“Sleep well, Mircalla.”

 

A few days later, a group of people dressed head to toe in black, arrived at a cemetery just outside of the city limits. LaFontaine read a reflection on Laura’s professional life, followed by Carmilla reading a brief synopsis of her personal life. Most of the people who had come were professional friends and did not know very much about her personal life. Carmilla had to refer to herself as her grandmother, a very good friend of Laura’s, to prevent herself from exposing what she was. After Carmilla spoke, she picked up a rose from a vase next to the casket and placed it on top of the casket. Mattie followed close behind, as did LaF, Perry, Danny, and Kirsch. Shortly after, everyone was dismissed. A few people approached Carmilla, expressing their condolences. She just answered with a nod and turned away.

Within the next few minutes, only LaFontaine, Perry, Mattie, and Carmilla remained. Danny and Kirsch were called away by family for some reason Carmilla didn’t hear. LaF and Perry offered to take Carmilla and Mattie to eat, to which Mattie responded that neither of them really needed to eat. After a brief discussion, they decided that Mattie and Carmilla would accompany LaF and Perry to eat, and were welcome to eat if they decided to.

Carmilla, however, was oblivious to all of this. She kept replaying her last moments with Laura in her head. _“As long as you live, not all of me will die.”_ She repeated that line, her voice only an echo of Laura’s. Over and over she repeated it, until she was mumbling it aloud.

“What was that, darling?”

Carmilla’s head turned to see the other three looking at her, all varying in degrees of concerned.

“N-nothing. It’s nothing. Just…just something Laura told me.”

Mattie smiled softly, “Well, you probably shouldn’t forget that. But come along now, LaFontaine and Perry are getting hungry.”

Carmilla nodded, giving the casket one final look, before turning back to her sister.

“Alright, well, let’s go then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone.  
> Once again, sorry for the delay of this chapter. School and health stuff, you know.
> 
> But, here it is. I hope you all liked it.


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